Evening

I've had a fairly good day.  John MacArthur was grinding his way through the book of revelation, and I slung a paint roller like a madman.  I rolled an entire apartment in 2 hours, then let it dry and did it again. 

I am a little disappointed with myself though.  Just when it seems communication between my daughters mother and I are going well, I let feelings and pride get in the way and say something stupid.  I really have got to take my sponsors advice and just let a sleeping dog lie.  I just need to get over it and move on.  I do okay with that most of the time now, but a song, memory, anything can upset the delicate balance I seem to be maintaining.  Life on life's terms.  I gotta keep that in mind. 

Tomorrow is another day, and another opportunity to do the next right thing.  I will do my best to remain humble and just accept things as they are because at this point blame and responsibility are kind of a moot point. 

This is a short post, I am feeling really drained and am going to bed.

Father, thank you that in spite of my pride and self will You are able to let me catch glimpses of who You are, and who I truly am.  Please help me to become ultimately caring, even at the expense of my pride and ego.  Please draw my children to You, and help them to discern the way that You would have them to go.  Please be with Anne, strengthen her to make the decisions you wish her to make.

In Jesus name,
Amen

Tuesday, 1/2/2013 - Morning

This seems to be my mindset for the new year.  I am trusting in God to work, but I am trying to remember that this is His creation, and that He does things in His own time.  I have people that I am praying for, people that I am not really seeing a change in, but I know God is sovereign, and in control of ALL things.

I'm going to work this morning, but my counterpart is not.  I really worry about this guy.  He has relapsed recently, and I discovered that he had actually been using for quite awhile but not telling anyone.  I guess what makes it hard is that he is the guy that I talk to everyday for extended periods.  We work alone together.  I consider him my best friend here in Pittsburgh.  He asked me, when he told me that he was using and I could tell he was still high, if I was still going to be his friend.  I thought about that, and have been thinking about that.  My answer of course was yes, but what that friendship would look like gets a little more complicated.  One thing I know I can not do is allow daily using to be a part of my life, even if it is not me that is using.  I can't get as emotionally invested as I would like to.  I can't open myself up to temptation because I am not what you would call a strong person in that area.  I have to protect myself.  I just hate to see people making  destructive choices, and that goes for myself as well.  My sponsor is good at looking down the road and seeing where my choices have the potential to lead me, and I trust what he tells me.  Anyway, he tells me he is sick, and he is not at his girlfriends house.  I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and pray for him, and I won't be accusing him of anything, I will just try to be supportive. (and do a little digging ;-)  I am responsible for me.

Father, I pray that You would do a work in this mans life.  I pray that You would get a hold of of his life and cause him to see his great need for You.  I pray that you do the same for all those I know, both those that are your children and those that are not.  I pray protection and guidance over my children, and I pray wisdom and discernment for Anne and myself.  I pray that today I am able to maintain my focus on you, and that my using or desire to use soon becomes a distant memory.

In Jesus name,
Amen