Home again Home again...

Hello all, It has been a little while since my last post but it is not due to anything going wrong, in fact life is getting better every day. I feel extremely blessed, and I am looking forward to what God has in store for my future and the future of my family. I would like to extend a special hello to Chris Sorrells and Amy Hofmeier. I have known you guys for a long time, and we all have been through much. You both are in my prayers, and you hold a special place in my heart.

Well, I have entered the next phase of my internship with Homes of Hope, I have moved back in with my family. I know that this is going to be a huge adjustment, but I know that it is time, and I know that I am ready. I will still be fulfilling all my duties as an intern with the ministry, the only difference being that I will also now be fulfilling my duties as a husband and father. My wife and I both have a lot of growing to do, a lot of maturing in Christ that needs to happen, and we are both looking forward to the adventure that has been set before us.

We just got back from a weekend in Montgomery Alabama where her brother is stationed in the Air Force. We didn't do much but eat and swim in the pool, and it was great! I am including a few pictures, though I didn't take that many. Jude had a great time, jumping off of the diving board, and getting me to toss her into the deep end. She wore a floatation vest, which made all the difference in the world in her confidence level (and mine...).

Please pray for a friend of mine, Chris who is going through a rough time right now. Also, please pray for my family as we go through this transition, and my son Tony, that the Lord would draw him near.

Herky Jerky Christians

Came across this video while searching for some old Brownsville Revival footage. If you think Redemption World Outreach Center can get a little out of hand, take a look at what can happen in other countries when the Holy Spirit descends on a service. I want to understand God's weighty presence, as well as feel it manifested. I know what it feels like to have the Spirit descending on you like an ocean, and it can be a little scary. Just remember; in the book of acts, as spectators looked at the disciples being influenced by the Spirit, the only explaination they had for what they were seeing is that the disciples seemed to be drunk. When God manifests his power to us, our earthly vessels don't know quite how to handle it, and may operate beyond our control, and may seem to take on a life of their own, but God IS in control, and we should learn to let go and trust Him. This lesson is for all areas of our lives.

Are you ready to let go?

This next video is a testimony from the Brownsville Revival. I remember that when I went down to this church for the revival, you could feel the Spirit of God the moment you stepped on the property. This is the ONLY time in my life I have ever been slain in the spirit. I was very skeptical of that sort of thing, but this woman came towards me to pray over me, and when she got within like 2 feet of me I was knocked flat on my back. I got up going "Oh my God, what just happened?!" It was really freaky and hasn't happened again since, but I welcome the Spirit Should He choose to do it again!

That's it. I just thought you might like to see some old-school and some foreign-school worship. I hope all is well, and God bless you. God is in control, but it is up to you to walk it out!

On slipups and fasting...

Okay, so heres the deal... I got scared, and I did what i've always done, I slipped. I found out that I still have issues that I can't seem to trust God to deal with. I also found out that my flesh still is able to take dominion over my actions, and quench my spirit.

Heres the good news... Today is day 27 of a 40 day fast. The longest I have ever made it, or should I say my flesh has ever allowed me to make it. My record before this was 3, yes 3 days. Because I do physical type work with Homes of Hope, I chose not to do a water only fast. I drink V8 juice and milk. I also add some carnation instant breakfast to the milk at lunch and supper time. God has given me a good measure of grace, because I have not found it hard (most of the time), though a thick steak sure sounds good right now. I quit getting insatiably hungry after about the first week, and now a glass of juice and milk (seperate of course!) quenches most, but not all of my hunger. God was quiet the first few weeks of my fast, not speaking much to me. I guess He wanted to see if I was serious about conquering my flesh this time. As I pray, and as I listen, He is opening up to me, and He encourages me daily. He lets me know that though I am currently doing well, I still have a long way to go to put my fleshly ways of dealing with lifes issues behind me.

My wife, what can I say except that she is a "woman of God". It is my desire that I should be known as the "man of God", but I know I am just not worthy of that title yet, but my wife is. This woman has faced adversity that most women would have freaked out over, but she has grown from it, and she seems to have a relationship with God that most women would envy. God knew what he was doing when He put us together, though at times my wife would probably tell you differently! I hope to one day be her hero, her night in shining armor, leading her and our daughter valiantly through a life dedicated to service to God. I love you Anne...

That's about it for now, it is what it is. I have to spend an additional 3 months here as an intern, but what is 3 months in the grand scheme of things? I am posting a video I made of Homes of Hope stuff, the photos were taken with a cell phone, but hey, what a blessing!

Worst day ever?

Nah, not the worst day ever, but it's been awhile since I posted and I wanted to post something just to let my avid fans (all 2 of them) see where I am at.

My wife Anne had a few bad dreams last night, which involved losing me and our child Jude.  I knew that they affected her badly, and this morning they began to have an effect on me, almost developing into a sense of panic that I used to feel at times.  Panic I guess,  because I know that dreams can sometimes be related to things both spiritual and natural, and can even be premonitions.  I am fairly certain that is not the case here, but it took awhile to reach that conclusion.  A few other things happened as well, but as I look back I can see how childish and silly I was being to get into the foul mood I ended up in by the time I was sitting at church with my wife waiting for the service to start.  I can be such an idiot at times.  

Anyway, this is a short post because though I have much homework to complete, I am beat.  As it stands, God is still good, and I am still a foulable human in need of a savior.  I love you all, and please keep me in your prayers.

Kingdom Mindset

Good morning.  It is early on a Saturday morning so this is going to be a short one.  I really only wanted to give you a taste of where I think God is leading me spiritually, and give you something to chew on until my next post.  Here it is in two words: Kingdom mindset.  While Jesus was here on earth he taught that He was the doorway to the Kingdom, but what He mostly taught was Kingdom politics.  He came to begin to establish the correct government here on earth.  I have lost sight of that, or don't know if I ever really had sight of that.  If I focus too much on the doorway to the Kingdom, I just may miss the dynamics of the Kingdom.

Look at it this way.  (Please don't take offense at this example, it is for demonstration purposes only ;-)  If a car salesman got on tv and talked only about the gate to his car lot, how big the gate is, and how expensive, how clean, how pretty, how intricate, etc... and ended by saying "So come on down and see us," without ever talking about his cars, few if any people would go because all he talked about was his gate, not his cars.  We still know nothing about his product.  

I want a Kingdom mindset.  I want to be a God focused, God fearing, God loving husband, father, and son.  That is where I am this morning.  Where are you?

Illness and God-in-a-box

Well, I am sick as a dog, but God is still good! As you can see by my picture, I am feeling a little on the loopy side. I took a couple cold pills but they don't seem to be doing much of anything but making me sleepy. Oh well, such is life... Anyway, I am praising God in the midst of illness, and I hope that whatever you may be going through isn't bigger than your view of God at the moment. Our God is ALWAYS bigger than we can ever comprehend, it is only in our mind that He becomes small.

1 Kings 8:27 But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain You, how much less this house which I have built!

It takes a carpenter to build a house out of wood, but we all can build houses, or boxes if you will, in our minds. I have in the past built boxes that I though would hold our God. Much like the old TV show I dream of Genie, I thought I could keep God in this box and bring him out when I needed something. I say no more boxes! God isn't going to dwell there anyway, so why waste my time building them?

My wife is killing me...

I want to relate an incident that happened on a recent Wednesday night at church. To give you a bit of background leading up to the event, let me just preface by saying that my wife grew up in a fundamental Baptist family, and went to schools that demonstrated the same values. The Holy Spirit seems to be more of a theological topic of discussion rather than a cut and dry reality in these sort of circles. After my first run in with the Holy Spirit at this new church, I have been praying that the Spirit do a work in my wife in a mighty way. She is by no means what I would call a Penticostal, Charismatic, or any other such Spirit led denomination, and a personal, devestating encounter with the Holy Spirit is probably the last thing she expected to happen. Now, this Wednesday night she was in the Spirit very strongly, as was I. The worship experience grew stronger and stronger, almost to the point of actually being slain. I have been experiencing this lately, and therefore was not at all thrown by the phenomena. Then something happened. As far as I can tell my wife did not have the same experience, and I did not tell her about what happened to me because I needed to speak to a couple spiritual leaders to try and get some discernment about the situation. Here is what happened: I was overcome with a feeling of panic and dread, bordering on sheer terror. I felt that I was going to die, or the building was going to blow up, or demons were going to begin dancing on the stage, or I don't know what. I only knew that the feeling was so scary and shocking that I literally almost ran out of the building. Instead, I began fighting. The only thing I could figure was that I was under attack, and I began rebuking, claiming Jesus, and professing that Satan had no dominion in my life any longer. I know this sounds kind of corny, especially as I write it down, but hey, what happened happened. As I prayed the feeling of fear and doom eased, but did not entirely vanish for awhile. Meanwhile, my wife was so struck by the Spirit that I had to sit her down on the pew because I was afraid that she might fall out and hurt herself (though I don't think she can be hurt if the Spirit is involved). Anyway, everything went slowly back to normal, and the evening progressed with no further hitches. When I spoke to my wife about her experience, she related to me that it felt to her like God Himself had his hand on the back of her neck, holding her in place.

After speaking with a couple guys that I trust, the conclusion was reached that I probably was dying. I don't mean physically, but a part of me (soul, flesh, or whatever) that needed to be murdered so that I can grow closer to Jesus. I always assumed that the dying to flesh was a sort of practice makes perfect thing, not an actual death thing, but I now think that I might have been quite wrong. I think that the term death may be more accurate than I ever imagined.

A good friend and spiritual rock related to me how the Spirit works in his relationship with his wife. He told me that as he and his wife grow closer, as one flesh, the Spirit acts on them together (as one flesh). His wife gets completely slain in the Spirit, and her spirit feeds off of his spirit. This also works both ways, with his spirit communing with hers, though he has never been completely slain in the Spirit. I don't even know if my wife knows what she was praying that night. What I mean to say is that we can pray in the spirit, and we may never actually know what we are praying, but the Holy Spirit does. I believe my wife's spirit must have been making intercession for me, asking God to change me because WOW, it got real weird real fast! God is doing something astounding through His Spirit, something that is working mightely in both my wife and myself. I don't ever want to lose what we have gained, and I want more. I will die daily to my flesh, scary parts and all, if it means a closer walk with Jesus. God is real. Jesus is real. The Holy Spirit is real, and He is here for us, as a constant help and comfort. Have you felt Him lately?

Yep, that's me...

Yep, that's me in the picture. Well, it might as well be. I spent way too many years crucifying my savior, the very one who came to set me free.

Things are different now. I don't have very much in the way of material things, and that's okay. A little cliche, but it's the truth. I have a relationship with Jesus, and I have learned how to listen to the Holy Spirit. I have a relationship with my wife, and I am a child with her, under an awesome Daddy.

The Holy Spirit is an amazing entity. Jesus sent Him to us as our helper. He is the one we deal with on a day to day basis, and He is the one who we have direct contact with. I never realized just how direct, and I think that has always been part of my problem. I did have an experience in Pensacola Florida at the Brownsville revival where I was actually knocked to the ground (not violently) by the Holy Spirit, but I haven't experienced very much other direct communication, or communion, if you will. That has changed lately, and I mean REALLY changed. My contact with the Spirit gets so strong at times that I can barely stand. I have prayed for discernment, and have found no reason to doubt the validity of what I am experiencing. I prayed for my wife to receive the Holy Spirit, and I'll be John Brown if she wasn't baptized with the Holy Ghost. This is a real thing, not a cozy feeling or a soft warm fuzzy. It can be quite scary at times because God is so huge that to feel his weight tends to be overwhelming. I would like to give you this opportunity to feel the Spirit, if only for a moment. Many of you have probably seen the following video, but I tell you, it still makes me sob...

So now I've got the ball rolling. I am going to use this space as kind of an online diary, and I welcome any comments that you may have. I'd love to hear some of your experiences. Please, no profanity or anything else that might be considered inappropriate. If you wouldn't want your 6 year old child reading it, don't post it...