Evening

It's been kind of a weird night.  Our meeting tonight seemed kind of out of whack...  and for some reason I was nervous.  I don't get nervous too often any more, but tonight I did.  I can't really say what made me uneasy, maybe it was the issues people were dealing with, maybe I was subconsciously working on something and the feeling was the product of that effort.  I don't know.  I do know that I tend to get nervous if the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me something and I haven't yet figured out what it is.  It usually means there is something inside of me that I need to deal with.  I guess I will just wait for the heat to turn up and see what kind of impurities float to the top.

Tony's ex girlfriend seems to have flipped a little bit, and I need to pray for her.  If you are reading this, please pray with me in my ending prayer.  I try to pray for people as they come to my remembrance.  I no longer just promise people I will pray for them, because sometimes I forget, and that basically makes me a liar.  I got a tip some years back from someone else who has memory issues, and it works great.  He told me not to promise to pray, but promise that you would pray as they come to your remembrance.  Bravo.

I spent a few hours this morning writing the What Are My Motives article.  I know the finished product doesn't look like a lot, but a lot of thought went into it.  Maybe my subconscious is still working on it and that is the source of my nervousness.  Who knows.  I haven't checked the moon tonight, but if it is full I have my answer.  I have always been adversely affected by the full moon, no joke.  My daughters mom could always tell if it was a full moon just by the way I was acting, even in the daylight.  Weird, huh?

That's about it for tonight.  Looking forward to another relaxing day tomorrow, and another chance to do the next right thing.

Father, I pray tonight that you would put Your hand firmly on this young lady in her difficulties. I pray that you would heal her mental wounds and draw her to you.  Help her to see that it is only through You that she will become whole.  I pray that You would reveal to me the source of my anxiety this evening and provide me with the remedy.  I ask that You watch over and protect all my children, and strengthen Anne in Your Word.  

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Did you see that?

This is a video i made when I had some free time on my hands.  It definitely falls into the "Just For Fun" Catagory....  Hope you like it!

What are my motives?

As I grow in grace, I am becoming more aware of my motives.  Though my words my be right in response to someone I may be in disagreement with, if the intent of my words is to "show them", or inflict harm, then the validity of what I have to say is made null.  On the other hand, if I neglect to say something in an effort to protect someones feelings, I do a disservice to God and that person.  

The Word is a tool that cuts, but that doesn't mean I have the right to use it to hurt someone.  There is a difference.  Recently, around the Christmas holiday, I engaged in a very unprofitable text and email conversation with the mother of my daughter.  I was in an emotionally charged state, and rather than take the advice of my sponsor and just let it be, I felt that I had to justify my position by using scripture and Gods moral law as a weapon.

"For the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword. Piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and the morrow. And is a discerner of the thoughts and intents o f the hearts." Hebrews 4:12

And it wasn't merely to justify myself.  If I had left my motivation there I would probably have been okay, but part of the motivation was to inflict emotional harm.  I had inklings of my motivation during this exchange, but it was not until I became clear-headed again that I was able to see the full extent of my motivation.  Although I believe the things I said to be true even now, the motivation and delivery were wrong.  The words were not said out of love and a desire to see her grow closer to God, they were selfishly motivated.

"And is a discerner of the thoughts and intents o f the hearts."

My intentions backfired, and it was I that got cut. The Holy Spirit began whispering to me about my motivation.  I became preoccupied with my motives.  Even here, in the writing of this article, the temptation is to justify myself; to make the reader see my side of things, but the Spirit has begun giving me a literal, I even want to say physical warning sensation when my motives are out of check.  If I feel that, I have to stop and examine the "what" and the "why" of whatever I am about to say.

I have been going through sort of a paradigm shift In my Christian walk.  I have attended a few different churches that would be classified differently, i.e. Pentecostal, Charismatic or Word Faith, and to a small extent Fundamentalist.  I am moving out of the Charismatic genre for my meat, and into I guess you would say Calvinist Fundamental expository.  I still enjoy Charismatic churches for worship, mainly worship through music because I believe that having a profound emotional experience is good for the soul from time to time, but I can no longer justify trying to maintain an emotional state as evidence of my Christian walk.  Emotional response is not a validation of truth, pure and simple.

In a recent Facebook post I received sort of a challenge in the form of a comment.  I'm not going to go into detail here, but let me just say that my post and response to the comment were accurate, or at least accurate to where I am in my walk with Christ at this moment in time.  In writing my response, I felt I was justified and well within the confines of God's Word concerning how we as Christians are to communicate with each other.  I do not believe in the "live and let live" philosophy that so many churches are adopting in order to deal with differences in doctrine.

"Here is a typical letter, and I'm quoting, written to us. "Please reconsider your policy of dealing with the Charismatic movement and other controversial topics on your radio broadcast. Though we share your convictions on these issues, many of our listeners do not. These people are dear brothers and sisters in Christ and we do not feel it is helpful to the cause of Christ to attack what they believe. We're committed to keeping peace among brethren and unity in the Body of Christ. Thank you for being sensitive to these concerns."

It is not helpful to the cause of Christ to attack error anymore. That's what it says. It is not helpful for these dear brothers and sisters in Christ to attack what they believe even though it is wrong. It is more helpful, under this philosophy, to let them remain in error. We are committed to keeping peace, even if peace means error and finding unity even if unity means heresy. Thank you for being sensitive to our desire to maintain heresity if it must be maintained for the sake of unity."

      -John MacArthur

The only problem is that later I felt that small tingle from the Holy Spirit that my motives might have been a little off, or I had a desire not to hurt the other persons feelings.  I can't at this point discern which.  This brings up the question: How do we as Christians communicate Truth to each other when our understanding of Truth differs?  One thing I do know, if we go into it with an "I'll show you" attitude, we do more damage than good.  It looks like I have found a topic of future study.

I have pride issues... I wish that wasn't the case, but I am starting to see that it is true.  I don't want pride clouding my service to God.  I don't want pride getting in the way of what He is trying to do in my life.  I have a hard road in my immediate future, and I want to be able to travel it in humility, love, and confidence.

I also have motivational discernment issues...  I know that I need to learn the difference between selfish motivation, and just not wanting to hurt someones feelings, they are both bad motivation to either say or not say something.  During my marriage, I had to be very careful of what I said to my wife because she was very sensitive when it came to comments about her actions, behaviors, words etc.  One of the ways I failed in my duties as a husband and as priest of our home is that in an effort to protect her feelings I never brought anything to her that might be spiritually beneficial if I thought it would hurt her feelings.  In hindsight, this did her an injustice.  Feelings are temporal, but God's truth is eternal.  Feelings may get hurt, but that hurt will eventually be replaced with growth.  Like I have heard so many times, The Truth hurts, it was designed that way.  But it is also liberating.

To the person who responded to my post, if you are reading this, please accept my apology for offending you if that is the case.  I enjoy an open dialogue about beliefs, even if they differ.  You are my sister in Christ, and I respect you as such...