Tuesday, 1/1/2013 - Evening

I haven't done a lot today, it being the first day of the new year and all.  I did go to work for a few hours (bill collectors don't really care about holidays), and the apartment I am painting is ready to roll tomorrow.  Had a chance to text back and forth with my wife a little bit about something other than my addiction problems or our divorce, and I really enjoyed it.  It seems that no matter how hard I try to stay mad (I really don't try that hard), I just can't stay mad at her.  I don't believe God would want me to anyway, and I am doing my level best to do what he would approve of.  I can't speak for her, but I hope we can get this behind us soon and improve how we view each other.

I am kind of tired today, I've been getting more tired lately.  I think not seeing the sun for days on end might have something to do with it.  I wanted snow, and got it.  I didn't have a white Christmas, but had a few days before, and after, and there is still snow on the ground.  As a matter of fact it snowed again today.  I take plenty of vitamin c so i don't think I am sick, at least I don't feel sick.  I have been on an emotional roller-coaster for awhile now, and maybe it is just taking it's toll on me.  At any rate, I am going to go to bed early tonight, maybe really early, maybe within the next hour.  I need to talk to my daughter first, it is the bright spot in my evenings, and though she never has much to say, just the fact that she is on the other end of the phone keeps me going.

I was watching some YouTube videos that I have posted here on this blog, and when it was over, this video came up in the preview pane.  I watched it, and it just makes me sick.  I hate drugs, whether you drink them, smoke them, shoot them, or whatever...  I guess that is why I was disappointed to find out that my son drank last night.  I had hoped that he would go through life being able to say that he had never been drunk, kind of like a badge of honor, but we all have to live our own lives.

Father, I pray that You would guide me, that You would speak clearly to me, and that You would give me ears to hear.  I ask that you help me to keep my thoughts and words always above board.  I pray that you watch over my children and keep Your hands upon them.  I pray that you will be with Anne as she faces tough decisions.

In Jesus name,
Amen

Tuesday, 1/1/2013 - Morning

Well, I had an interesting night last night.  I did not sleep well at all.  I hope the night wasn't an indication of how my year is gonna go, but I guess even if it is it just more opportunity to past tests...  Between the fireworks going off and phone calls from my son about his girlfriend, or ex girlfriend, or whatever she is in reality it seems like I woke up every hour.

I am very optimistic about this coming year.  I brought up the topic of resolutions in my meeting last night, and I learned something.  Addicts don't tend to make resolutions for the new year, and the general consensus is that they don't do this because they make resolutions every morning when they wake up, so there is no need to do it at the beginning of the year.  I guess this is where the "Just for today" philosophy truly shows itself, and though I had never thought about it in this way, I have to say bravo.  God said in His word that we are not promised tomorrow, so there is no use worrying about it.  All we actually have is today, right now even.

English Standard Version (©2001)
yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.

I will not drink today, that I know.  I make no promises about tomorrow, but I pray that I wake up tomorrow and am able to say the same thing.  

Father, I thank you for letting me see the beginning of a new year.  I thank you that you have brought me to a place and time that I am able to focus on you.  I pray that over the coming year You would increase my desire for You.  I pray that you would position me to be able to provide well for my daughter.  I pray for Anne that her love for You does nothing but grow.  Help both Anne and I to become people that those around us would call "of God", and be right.  Father, I pray that you would draw my son to you, help him to see his need for you, and give him the strength to act on that need.

In Jesus name,

Amen