Evening

I have had some time, since I have been working by myself, to just listen to God.  I have tried to keep "an open line" with Him, if that makes any sense, and I have managed to get something settled in my mind and heart that has been bugging me.  I have come to the conclusion that though Anne and I don't really agree on who God is or what His characteristics are, that's okay.  Though Jude is only getting a view of God from one parents perspective right now, there will, God willing, be time for me to teach and explain God as I see Him. She is in a Christian school, and they are also teaching their perspective of Him.  Jude will at some point become mature enough to take the influences in her life and make her own decision.  One thing I have to keep in mind is that He is sovereign, and everything will happen according to His plan.  The best I can do is to make sure that I am doing my part to participate in that plan.  I know that gets a little fuzzy when you think about it, and can make you a little crazy, but I believe in predestination and election, and I also believe nothing happens outside of His plan.  As much as I hate it, all my actions up to this point were a part of His plan, as will my future actions be, however I decide to act.  That's a mind blower, but God is God and I am not and it doesn't behoove me to try to figure that one out.  I might just have to go there next when I get done with MacArthur's study of revelation.

I didn't quite make it in time for my meeting tonight.  I would have had to walk in the door right as it started, straight from work, and having not shaved for a few days.  I made a joke with my son about not wanting to walk in there looking like I just came off of a 3 day drunk.  Maybe it's pride, maybe not.  I had to go pick up my check anyway, and Tony was going out so nothing really meshed.  It is one of my favorite meetings, besides my home group, which I am chairing tomorrow night.

All in all it's been a good day.  I was able to talk a little more about my business proposal, and things are still up in the air but promising.  I am praying for my friend, I hope he made it to the meeting tonight, he said he was going.  Please pray for him, and anyone else suffering from the disease of addiction.  I can't explain it to someone who has never been there, but when you are in the middle of it, it becomes next to impossible to make the right choices.  Cunning and baffling.  It is only through God's grace that any addict is able to take the first step, and continue to do the next right thing.

Father, I thank you tonight for the peace you have brought into my spirit tonight.  Though it may be fleeting, I know it to be real, and I know it to be from You.  Thank You for the work You are doing in my life.  Thank You for keeping my daughter safe and happy.  Please make Yourself evident to my son, and If I am to be Your instrument to accomplish that, please make the way.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Morning

I woke up a little later then I have been, but still before my alarm clock.  I haven't been sleeping well.  This morning the dream I was having as I woke up was different.  It involved my family, but not family I spawned.  My mother, father, and sister were in it.  The dream was just weird.  I have been trying to see if there were any lessons about myself or my current state of mind to be gleaned from the dream, but I haven't come up with anything so far.  I know God has a habit of waking us up in the middle of the night to have a chat, but I don't know that this dream was one of those instances.  I guess that if I am supposed to take from this dream, then it will sort itself out as the day progresses. 

I've been having this weird feeling lately.  A feeling like though circumstances in my life may not be ideal, my heart is praising God.  The only way I can describe it is as a bitter-sweet praise.  It is something I am not used to, and I take it as a sign of a maturing heart.  In the past I have either been happy and praising God, or just kind of grudgingly going through the motions.  It feels like something solid and real that I can grab onto even in the midst of trials.  It is an amazing thing really, and I don't want to lose it.

I guess that's about it for this morning.  I know it is a little short, but my mind feels clear this morning, and I don't have unresolved issues swimming through my mind, though that could definitely change by the time I do my evening journaling. 

Father thank you that You are the God of peace.  Thank You that we can feel safe and calm in the midst of trying circumstances because of our relationship with You.  Thank you for the fellowship that you have led me into.  Please watch over and protect my children, and help Anne and myself as we try to walk as You would have us walk.

In Jesus' name,
Amen