The Monster In Me

I am often asked what I was like when I was drinking.  It is an integral part of my testimony, and remembering the person I can become if I get back into the flesh helps me to  stay sober today.  You know, it's kind of hard to put into words just what comes out of me when I am using, so I thought I would show you with a visual interpretation.  And just so you know, THIS IS NO EXAGGERATION!  If you don't believe me, just ask my wife...

Love you all, and may this never be you!  (or ever be me again for that matter)

Open Door Christian Center Promo Video

Hello all, I finally finished the promo video I have been working on for the center.  I tell you what, Sony Vegas is an insanely wonderful video editing utility.  Anyway, this video gives an overview of what the Open Door is all about, and that is being about our Fathers business.  Places like this exist all over the country, saving lives for Christ.  I owe this and other facilities like it my life, because it is only through Christ and these ministries that I am here today.  I love Jesus.  I finally know what it is to actually love Him and not just fear or know He is there.  I owe a debt of gratitude to Pastor Charles, Melinda, and all the other staff and interns who have helped me during my time here so far.  I thank God every day that He has been able to use my problems to help my wife grow strong in her relationship with Christ as well.  I know I am sort of rambling, but hey, when you you are in love you want to talk about the object of your affections, and I hope I never stop.  God bless you all (whoever "you all" may be ;-)

Almost forgot.  Tony, it was great getting back into contact with you.  I am proud of you, and very glad to hear that you are working in an area that you love.  You can do great things in life, but always remember that your Father in heaven has all the answers, and if you will just submit yourself to him always, you will grow to be happy and content, and He will pour blessings on your life.  I am living proof.  When I do things His way, my life becomes blessed, my way and... well you know.  I love you son.

Functioning Invisibility Cloak

I managed to re-tailor the invisibility cloak, it's more form fitting, but seems to work a whole lot better.  Hope you like it!

Anne and Jude went to the HMR Fall Festival.  Her company, Grove Medical Supply sponsored a face painting booth.  This lady was really good.  This is a picture of Jude with her face painted like a kitty cat!

Broken Invisibility Cloak

Someone donated a slightly dysfunctional invisibility cloak today...  It still works (somewhat), but I am sure Melinda will sell it for next to nothing.  she has a habit of underselling items.  If anyone is in the market, it's at the Open Door Thrift Store, come get it while it's still here!   ;-)


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Romans 7

I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not.  Isn't this also your experience?  Yes.  I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison.  What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.  So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.  But I need something more!  For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!

I realize that I don't have what it takes.  I can will it, but I can't do it.  I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions.  Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.  It happens so regularly that it's predictable.  The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.

I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.  Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.  I've tried everything and nothing helps.  I'm at the end of my rope.  Is there no one who can do anything for me?  Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.  He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.  With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved.  Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.

A new power is in  operation.  The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

Sound Familiar?  Love you all!

It's nice to take a break from the center and spend a little quality time with the woman I love, and my beautiful daughter. Its easy to get so caught up in the day to day activities at the ODCC that you don't realize that you could really use a break. I could get used to this!

My View Of Church

I thought I would make a quick post while we are getting ready for church.  It is Wednesday night, and people have begun to file in.  The picture is taken from the new media booth I and another guy built at the back of the church.  We can now do lyrics and scripture verses like the big boys, and all with open source software.  We are using OpenSong.  I tried using OpenLP, but had issues with video and a couple other bugs that made it unfeasible.  Anyway, we video all the services, and do projections.  At some point I would like to see a projector installed to replace the flat panel monitor we have, but we all have to work with what God gives us.  I guess that's about it for now, i'm just trying to get into the swing of regular posting.

God Bless you all!

Sometimes a girl just needs to cry...

I’ve had one of those mornings… I awoke from a bad dream first thing this morning. I had dishes in the kitchen sink that had to be washed. The coffee maker was acting funky and brewed my coffee with grounds all in it. My girl would not move above the speed of a snail and it was picture day at school – so we had to be there early. Looked at yet another daycare, this will be # 12… Arrived at work ten minutes late, dropped a cup of coffee on my way to my office and it literally bounced off the floor and splashed all over my white sweater.

Have you ever had one of those mornings? Well, maybe not exactly but I’m sure you have had a rough morning in your lifetime. Did you feel like life was really crappy? Did you feel like no one cared? Did you feel like God didn’t care? I felt that way this morning. I had a little pity party for myself and I shed more than a few tears. And there was the little voice that backed me up – telling me I had a right to feel sorry for myself… but then there was another voice – Can you find your joy even in all of this?

And I did. The Lord reminded me of all I should be grateful for:
1. the warm, dry bed I had to sleep in
2. clean water to wash my dishes
3. electricity for my coffee maker
4. a little girl that is healthy and happy
5. a job, so that I can pay for all the conveniences in my life
6. And my God who did care for me – so much that he sent his Son to die for me.

So it was one of those mornings, but my God is bigger and better than any morning and I choose to believe that He will use even this day for His glory! I’m reminded that “sometimes a girl just needs to cry” (something my child tells me very often). And I’m also reminded that the Lord cares about those tears.

Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

Open Door Christian Center Video

I thought anyone who happens to read this blog might be interested to see where I am at right now. ( Make sure you stop the Free Chapel video that I have on auto-play in the right hand applications pane first)  I made this video while I was still going through the program.  I made it with my wifes little still camera, so the video isn't that great, but hey, we work with what God gives us right?  I am now interning with the ministry, and I will have to say that I am in my element, and happy most of the time.  It can be a little stressful at times dealing with a bunch of drunks and drug addicts, but I am well equipped considering my own history, and I love these guys.  It can be heartbreaking at times, especially when I have to ask someone to leave because of rule infractions, but that is the nature of the beast.

I hope you enjoy the video, it is a little slice of what life here is like, and if you feel so led we are always looking for donations.  The Open Door Christian Center is a Christ centered, not for profit organization, ran primarily on donations and monies received by recycling cardboard in the community.  The men who go through the 3 month program do so at no charge, except in cases where they may be receiving social security or disability etc, and then ODCC does ask for a donation based on the amount of money they receive.

God bless you, and please pray for the guys here as well as their families who have been effected by the ravages of substance abuse.

No Need for Fear

Hi, this is Anne, Todd's wife, and I'm posting for the first time... hopefully I will be able to post often. I'm excited to share my journey as well. To God be the glory!!!

“Real freedom is freedom from fear, where you're truly free from guilt, from worry, from bitterness, and from death. You're free to quit pretending because you're free to be yourself. When you realize how much God loves you, you'll begin to live in true freedom. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear . . ." (1 John 4:18 NIV).” This is from a devotional that I read the other day. (Purpose Driven Life).

The Lord always brings to me just what I need, when I need it. I have had a lot thrown at me all at once, I’ve recently been making lots of decisions that will affect me and my girl. I’m begging the Lord to guide me, praying that I’m following His will, and freaking out in the process. I want to be bold and mobile – doing what is right and allowing others to see Christ in my actions. What tends to happen is that I’m timid and frozen. Why? Because fear creeps in and likes to take up residence in my being.

Frequently throughout the day I have to stop and remind myself that God is in control. When it comes down to it I fear “man” or more specific – I fear the judgment of man. I worry what others will think about what I have already settled with the Lord was right for my family. I feel guilty that I’m hurting others by obeying what the Lord has told me to do. It’s crazy, I know but “looking right” in the eyes of others has been a stumbling block for me since my fundamentalist upbringing.

Anyway, there are no coincidences... the Lord had this devotional just for me. And a voice from within said to me that there was no need for fear. And I choose to believe Him!

Mobile Test

I'm testing mobile blogging, so this is a really short post, but I may want to post a picture or something from time to time...

Back On Track

A lot has happened in the last 6 months. I did not complete the program that I was in. I'm not going to go into the details about that right now, but I will tell you that I am where God wants me right now.

I did complete a 3 month rehab program at the Open Door Christian Center in Clinton SC. For whatever reason, this is where God wants me now. After the program I had planned on going back to Homes of Hope, but the Holy Spirit had other things in mind, and convinced me to stay here and do a 6 month internship with these guys. It's a smaller ministry with less resources, but even though HOH has more money and resources and could put a little money in my pocket, I knew that I was supposed to stay here. I can feel God using me here, and for the time being I am content. I will start posting regularly (or as regularly as my schedule allows), and fill you in on some of the events that have transpired. For now, God bless and keep you!

Todd

Rehab, again...

Well, I don't have a picture because I don't have access to my cell phone right now, but I am in Anderson in rehab again. This program is 18 months long, but worth it as far as I can tell. I don't have much time to write now, I will update later, but I wanted everyone who reads this blog to know that I am okay, been sober for almost 3 months now. Love you all... Todd

That's my King!

"That's My King"

The late Dr. S. M. Lockeridge, a pastor from San Diego, California

said these words in a sermon in Detroit in 1976:

My King was born King. The Bible says He's a Seven Way King. He's the King of the Jews - that's an Ethnic King. He's the King of Israel - that's a National King. He's the King of righteousness. He's the King of the ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of glory. He's the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that's my King.

Well, I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don't try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is the only one of whom there are no means of measure that can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of the shore of His supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.

He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. That's my King. He's God's Son. He's the sinner's saviour. He's the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He's honest. He's unique. He's unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He's supreme. He's pre-eminent. He's the grandest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem in higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of historic theology. He's the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That's my King.

He's the miracle of the age. He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. He's the only one able to supply all our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He's the Almighty God who guides and keeps all his people. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. That's my King.

Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. He's the master of the mighty. He's the captain of the conquerors. He's the head of the heroes. He's the leader of the legislatures. He's the overseer of the overcomers. He's the governor of governors. He's the prince of princes. He's the King of kings and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.

His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you . . . but He's indescribable. That's my King. He's incomprehensible, He's invincible, and He is irresistible.

I'm coming to tell you this, that the heavens of heavens can't contain Him, let alone some man explain Him. You can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your hands. You can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him. The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree about Him. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him and the grave couldn't hold Him. That's my King.

He always has been and He always will be. I'm talking about the fact that He had no predecessor and He'll have no successor. There's nobody before Him and there'll be nobody after Him. You can't impeach Him and He's not going to resign. That's my King! That's my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We're around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but in the end all that matters is God's power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? Forever and ever and ever and ever. . . And when you get through with all of the ever's, then . . .Amen!

Zacharias speaks again...

Okay, so it's been a really long time since my last post, but to be honest, I have been busy with my family and the intern program at Homes of Hope.

My wife and I are learning a great deal about waiting on God, and doing things in His time. It has been almost two years now since our house burned down, and we are in the process of trying to buy another one, and though we would like things to happen quick, God has other plans it seems.

Tomorrow at church we are dedicating our daughter Jude, and we are all excited about it! Jude doesn't know quite what to think, but I told her that we were just going to get up and tell the church how much she loves Jesus and promise to always do what He wants her (and us) to do.

The Cleansing Stream mini retreat Call2Freedom for cleansing stream alumni happens next weekend in Atlanta, and as always the devil is wreaking havoc on our lives, trying to trip us up any way he can, I guess in hopes that we won't make the retreat. Not gonna work... I am going on the ministry team as an intercessor, and hopefully as an anointer to the next full retreat. Little nervous about that one, but the Holy Spirit always has my back!

My father passed away on the third of November. Growing up I never considered my dad to be a Christian, but in the couple years before he died he did make a profession of faith and told me that Jesus was his savior. I can't judge this, only God can do that, but I do know that we serve a just God, and things will be as they are supposed to be.

Thats it, short and sweet. I intend on posting more regularly, so if I don't feel free to call or email me and tell me to get on the ball! I love you all, and pray for you as you are called to my remembrance. God bless, and if you don't know where you will spend eternity, remember; you are going to live forever... where you spend the time is up to you!