Monday Night

God must really be testing me.  It is weird to say that God could be testing me through others actions, but God is huge, and that definitely would not be beyond his scope or character.  First I find out that a good friend of mine from the fellowship here has relapsed, and is continuing in his addiction.  then I find out that a friend of mine died from this disease.  Then I find out that another friend has been using for awhile and beat up his wife and is on the run from the law.  Now I find out that my temporary sponsor and oldest friend has relapsed, but is now clean again.  I know that these aren't my issues, but how I deal with the information is.  I could very easily, especially in the midst of the divorce I am going through, decide to throw in the towel.  Well, I say easily, but that is not exactly what I mean.  I guess what I mean is that there was a time when I would use the knowledge of all these incidents as an excuse to use myself.  Thankfully though, my mind is in a better place, and despite all that stuff I am actually feeling pretty good.  In the meeting tonight we talked about how clean time doesn't equal recovery.  Recovery is a state of mind and way of life.  It is about honesty and caring.  It is about discovering our character defects and doing something about them.  It is about living life.  All being clean means is that you haven't used.  I thank God for recovery, especially the recovery I have found here in Pittsburgh.

Tomorrow is a new day, another chance to do the next right thing.  I had no desire to drink today, and I pray  that I wake up tomorrow and do the same thing.  Not that I have done everything perfectly, but I try to live up to the man God wants me to be.  I haven't done much of that in the past, but I am thankful that I serve a God of Grace and a God of second chances.

Father thank you for giving me the ability through the Holy Spirit to make better decisions, to think things through, and to fight temptation or other influences that creep into my life.  Thank you for all you have done and all You will do.  Father, please draw the people I mentioned above to You, and instill in them a desire to serve You.

In Jesus' name,
Amen