Evening

I feel good tonight.  I feel like the Lord is working some things out in my mind.  It must be Him, because I just suck (as in lemons!) at trying to accomplish the same task myself.  I can fix a lot of things in the physical world, but when it comes to my mind, I am my own worst enemy.  NA has taught me that our mind is a dangerous place to be without God, and I know it to be true.  It is a dangerous place to be with God if you refuse to listen to Him.  In that case, you just stay beat up all the time, because the Holy Spirit through your own consciousness will beat you to death, figuratively speaking.

I was having a conversation with my sponsor and his wife tonight about my emotions.  They have both been through a divorce, and it is a huge comfort to have two literate people who I trust completely to be able to talk honestly to.  I find out through them, as well as the program, that though I can't even define my emotions right now, I am reacting and acting normally.  I am not some sort of fiend because of the places my mind can take me, I am just working through my emotions and processing as God intended.  If the program of narcotics anonymous did nothing more than put people together to talk, I still believe it would succeed.  If you think about it, that is all it does do.  It gives people like me an environment of open communication, safety, and guidance.  I thank God every day for this program, for it truly is His program.

I really miss my daughter.  I think that missing her might be part of the trouble sleeping I have been having lately.  I sure hope to be able to see her come spring break.  I have got to start trying to save a little money to make that possible, but that is really hard to do right now.  Tony and I are looking at moving out of this house and into something a little easier on the wallet, but that is gonna take money as well.  I did find a nice couch and chair tonight, or actually it found me.  The pastors wife asked if we knew anyone that needed them, and yep, that would be me.

That's about it for tonight.  If you are reading this, please pray for me, and if you leave your name in the comment box I will pray for you as well.

Thank you Father that you are always with me, and that You always care.  Thank You for my sponsor and his wife, I honestly don't know where I would be mentally without them in my life.  Please continue to have Your hand upon them.  Thank you for the program of Narcotics Anonymous.  Thank you for my children, and the people you have put into their lives.  Thank You that Anne is one of Your own.  

In Jesus' name,
Amen